Stolen Flowers

#Eat Plentiful 55

The other day we turned up at school with Woody and the teacher looked at me and said: “Where’s the flower?” Whoops. Once again I’d forgotten my parent assignment which this time was to bring a flower to school. Same as the time I forgot national pyjama day and we were the only ones who turned up in normal clothes. Don’t worry, I recover from my failures quickly and never leave him hanging.

Ridden with guilt, I dropped him off, ran to the park and did a quick recce for the most impressive flower I could find without the park wardens seeing me. I hid behind a bush for a few minutes until I got the all-clear, sprang out, and tried to cut the flower as neatly as possible. It wasn’t giving in, so I ended up biting through the stem with my teeth and running. It was too big to hide under my t-shirt, so I just sprinted out of the gates. Stopped at the café near the school and asked them to cut the stem properly with a knife, so the teacher wouldn’t think I’d stolen it from a nearby park. Delivered it to a very impressed Woody. My lips stung for the rest of the day and I spent the whole day smiling to myself like a naughty kid who’d gotten away with something.

Am I an adult? Yes, although still not 100% sure what constitutes an adult. Do I have my shit together? No. Am I very different to everyone else? I hope not.

I’m approaching 40 in a few years, and fifteen-year-old me had a very different idea of what being a grown-up would feel like. I still feel like a kid most days. Some mornings I have it all sorted, the school run, the emails, the packed diary. And then something small comes along and I laugh at myself for how careless I’ve been. But it feels good actually, to not have everything running like clockwork. I like routine, I need it but it also makes me a little anxious. I also like chaos, it makes me feel alive, although I’m realising how much it exhausts me. Welcome to my brain.

I manage a team of 90-plus people. I used to be in the military, working as assistant to the head of the army. One might think I’m organised. I’m not. I just thrive in chaos. I suppose no one quite knows what’s going on behind the scenes apart from me…and you now.

Here’s a photo that makes it look like I have it together. What you don’t know is that I almost set fire to the house whilst cooking the prawns. I was cooking half-naked at 9pm and stupidly poured water on a burning pot of oil. Yes, I do work in hospitality, yes I did know oil + water = danger. In total panic that’s the first thing that came to mind. I then ate the leftovers the next day wondering why they tasted faintly of smoke.

But usually, when it comes to food, I get it right.

A Plate for a Too-hot night

• A half a dozen large king prawns, shell-on. I then fried them in butter and garlic and put them in fridge until needed.

• A bunch of asparagus, blanched 2–3 minutes in boiling water, then straight into ice water so they bright green and snappy

• A generous spoon of homemade mayonnaise, mixed with smoked paprika. I’m not sure I’m a fan of all food hacks out there; I like the process of cooking HOWEVER put all mayonnaise ingredients (1 egg yolk, a spoon of dijon mustard and 120 of vegetable oil, pinch of salt) in a blender and wizzing it for 60 secs is a no-fail method for a mayo.

• 1 lemon, halved

• A few leaves of little gem lettuce, to scoop and wipe the plate clean with

Woody enjoyed building his own bite - prawn and mayo haha and I wrapped everything in salad leaf with mayo and a squeeze of lemon . Also a nice plate for a dinner party starter by just increasing the quantities and all serving on a platter.

So instead of picking one version of myself I’m learning to let all of it be true at once and just be me. Give yourself some slack once in a while; I don’t think anyone has it sorted.

Enjoy your weekend x